Becoming Me

I know its been a LOOOOONG time, but i needed a break. I'm back tho!
As I continue to grow and learn, I am seeing myself coming into the one that I am supposed to be. I had to take a break from my relationship to see that. I am happier, more confident, and being more real with myself and those around me. I am laughing more, smiling more, and overall feeling so blessed. I want to share that peace with all of you. be blessed!

My prayer

I haven't updated in a while. A lot has gone on in my life since my last post. Today, a few things happened to me that made me realize I'm growing up

I got into grad school
I started my own business.

Other than that, I have been struggling with a call on my life. Direct from God. I have been called to be a worship leader. I am placed in a church where this call is quite easy for me to fulfill. I am afraid. Why? Those feelings of fear are not of God. They are strictly from Satan and I need to rebuke those.
Easier said than done. So I am going to pray this prayer until it hurts

Order my steps in your word Dear Lord
Lead me, Guide me Every day
Send your anointing, Father, I pray
Order my steps in your word
PLEASE Order my steps in your word

I want to walk worthy
My calling to fulfill
Please order my steps Lord
and I'll do your blessed will
The world is ever changing
But You are still the same
If you order my steps
I'll praise your name

Order my steps in your word
Order my tongue in your word
Guide my feet in your word
Wash my heart in your word
Show me how to walk in your word
Show me how to talk in your word
When I need a brand new song to sing
Show me how to let your praises ring in your word

PLEASE order my steps in your word


Of course there are a few phrases in this older Gospel song that I dont agree with. In particular the one that says if you order my steps I'll praise your name. I'm gonna praise no matter what. God ordering my steps will just give me one more reason

This is a dangerous prayer. Asking God to order your steps means not only asking him to show you where to go, but it also implies that you will follow. Never an easy thing to do especially when those steps dont always lead where you are comfortable. But trust. Following God is MUCH more beneficial in the end than not following him

Take Life By the Horns

I have been in the backseat of my life for too long. I have been waiting for my life to happen to me. I need to step it up and take my own life by the horns. With God's help, I plan to have a successful career within 3 years. I am applying to grad school for this fall. I told myself that I would take a year off to evaluate myself. I have wasted most of that time.

I have been living to please others. I have always had a "screw the world" mentality, but never did I put that into action. I am strong. I am powerful. I kept waiting for the world to notice me, but sometimes, you have to just go out there and get noticed. The best way to gain confidence is to simply act like you have it. The best way to truly be fabulous is to act fabulous. Eventually, the way you act will be what you become. I am learning this the hard way. A day late and a dollar short. Better late than never, though.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, 'cause those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss

Peace and Love

Crying in the Desert

My Pastor preached a sermon today. He preached t directly to me. The title: "Survivng in the Desert". He told the story of when Elijah was in the desert and there had not been rain for over 3 and a half years.

God places us in desert situations sometimes. There are times in life where it seems like nothing is ever going right. It seems like everything in your life is drying up. No jobs. No money. And just when it seems like it can't get any worse, it does. You are in a desert.

God places us in the desert to show us how powerful He really is. He shows out the best in our times of desperation. When we feel like there is nothing left to do, do exactly that: nothing. Stand there and Let God be God. That is MUCH harder than it sounds. We as humans want to control everything all the time. But sometimes, we just have to stand back and let God do what He does best.

At the end of that particular story, Elijah told Ahab to get in his chariot, with wheels and horses, and go to Jezreel. Elijah, on foot, starts on his way to Jezreel as well and the power of God overtakes him. Elijah begins to run (after not having any real food for about 3 years) and PASSES King Ahab in his chariot (with wheels and horses). Read that again if you didnt get it. The scripture in in I Kings. Read it. It will truly bless you.

God will supply all your needs. Even in your desert season, God can make you strong like a cactus. He still reigns. Trust Him to get you through your desert season.

Peace and Love

Praise God Anyhow

I had choir rehearsal tonight and I was reminded that no matter what happens in my life, I need to praise God. He is worthy of all my praise, and even if I can't think of anything to praise about, even if everything in my life seems to be going wrong, I can at least worship Him simply for being God.

My pastor said something one day in a sermon. If you are married or in any type of romantic relationship and you don't tell your partner at least every once in a while how much you love him or her, you are gonna be in big trouble with them. God is a jealous God. He needs to hear how much you love Him.

Not to mention, if you don't think you can think of anything to praise God about...you woke up this morning, didn't you?

Life Lessons Learned

I have learned so much in the past 24 hours. Even right now, I'm learning that each day is a lesson waiting to happen. Every day that God gives us is another opportunity to learn and grow and become the person that He has destined us to be.

Yesterday, I learned, from a very dear friend, to be my own blessing. I can be my best and worst of everything. I can be my best friend and my worst enemy. I can be my best motivation, and I biggest disappointment. I can be my own success and I can drive myself into failure. I know all of these things and I am learning how to combat my negative self.

I realized yesterday, that I am still a kid. I still need much guidance in many things in my life. I have a tendency to give up on things quite easily. I have to learn to persevere through things that I may not want to. I may feel discouraged, but I must learn how to pick myself up, dust myself off, and go on with whatever i need to do. God has placed people in my life to help me with these things, but ultimately, it is my life, and my decision to either get up, or crawl into a corner and die.

I have been quite spoiled throughout my life. I am very grateful for the things I received growing up. The thing I am most grateful for is having my college education completely paid for. I owe exactly $0 to my institute of higher learning. But despite all the things I got, I missed out on some key values. I missed out on learning the value of hard work. Most things in my life have been handed to me. Maybe not on a silver platter, but they were placed right in front of my face. Sometimes I would take the opportunities, and other times, I would not. I had to recently learn that the "real world" that they had been warning me about doesn't work that way. Hard work is rewarded...sometimes... Sitting on your ass waiting for people to come to you is not...ever.

Those are my nuggets for today. God bless.

The Beginning of a Journey

This year is going to be new. I have to consciously make a change in my thinking in order to change my self this year. Whoever chooses to read this will be a part of this journey. You can come along with me, or be left in the dust. It does not really matter to me. 2009 is my year. My year for redemption. My year to come into the person the God has created me to be. I hope to shed my current skin and be a completely new creature throughout the course of the year. It will be a difficult transition, but with the help of my Father and those he has placed in my life, I WILL be stronger.

Today marks the beginning of my journey. I got my bags packed and I'm ready to go.